Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
