I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
