I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
