This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
