Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
