WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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