i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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