Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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