I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
