Porn is love you can see.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
