my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
