Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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