i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
