yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
