I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
