Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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