if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
