come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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