Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
