His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
