the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
