My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
