some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
