By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
