Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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