There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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