I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
