You really coming over, don't trick.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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