I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
