you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
third nipple confirmed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
