I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
