Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We have so much sex to catch up on
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
