Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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