im drinking this country out of the recession.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
