Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
