so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
