Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
