ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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