my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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