Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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