at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
