Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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