If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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