I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
