kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
These tits shall not be calmed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
