well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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