During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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