How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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