The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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