At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
