One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
